she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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