You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
