I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I can't turn off my feet"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Randomize
