Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
