Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
