Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
