I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize