You just made me feel so damn special
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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