I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
