I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
