there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
