if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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