Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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