people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
