He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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