He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
