Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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