having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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