maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
