She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
