chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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