Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
