She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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