Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
