I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
