She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
