I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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