im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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