i think i have herpe
just one?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
