soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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