After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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