I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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