no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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