No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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