Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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