In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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