Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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