The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
