blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
