How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
