The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
