YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
