i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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