grandma shit on top of the toilet
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
