she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
