Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
So here I am, sexting at work.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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