What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
