Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
