with your own penis?
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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