i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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