what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
