I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
