i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
try to milk me bitch
Help. Why am I so naked?
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