she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Dignity is for republicans.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
