so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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