So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
