The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
