Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
