Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
