Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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