She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
