im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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