a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
