Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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