Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
