he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
my being single is dangerous.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
