omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Randomize
