If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
