She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
