So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
