Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize