Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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