Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
