Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
