I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
