We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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